Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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