I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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