I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
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I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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