i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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