never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
