If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
