Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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