i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
