She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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