I just threw up on my dentist
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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