i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
