I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A+ Viking dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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