It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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