I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
