I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
