So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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