and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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