for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
