I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
