Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fill condoms, not promises.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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