dude i'm inner monologue high
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
