Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
