Can i not drive my cunt home
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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