I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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