You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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