dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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