I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
