Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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