Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
