i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
even my farts smell like vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
