why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
