Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
