You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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organizing the empties. That sober.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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