So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
