I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
