does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
