I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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