I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
