if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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