come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
