who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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