barbara walters just said penis...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
