he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
