Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
