We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
