okay pat passed out under dana's car
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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