I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
