Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
