i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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