you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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