Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
