I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
