I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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