Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
