we have pet lesbian snakes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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