If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
