About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
