So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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