i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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