Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
