Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
