Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
