omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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