I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
