the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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