see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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