Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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