She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
