fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
