Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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