We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate all girls vehemently.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You are a genius and a whore.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
